Blacksheep Political Consulting doesn’t usually give free advice, but in your case, Mr. President, we will waive our “cash in unmarked Chinese yuan” retainer requirement. It is becoming painfully obvious, even to those of us who are known to be the least scrupulous of political consultants, that your political operatives do not know how to Dougie.
I know, I know – you watched the Cali Swag District video and said “WTF is Blacksheep Consulting talking about?” Don’t worry about that, Mr. President - I can’t do those moves either, but that’s not the point. The point is your people are not selling your administration hard enough, not putting your accomplishments to a melody, not giving the people something they can respond to.
Because right now, Mr. President, if I want to know what you accomplished this week, and I don’t feel like going to the White House website, I have to scour the web to get any idea of your recent body of work. And to be frank, Mr. President, the White House website – it was designed by geeks, for geeks.
I know you are a fan of the Jigga Man, Mr. Jay Z himself, but Mr. Jigga, like this new group Cali Swag District, stands on the backs of the rappers who came before them. One of the most exciting masters of the mic in the early eighties, back when Jay Z was still dreaming about selling his first bag of dope on the corner of the Marcy Projects, was Doug E. Fresh, self described as “the human beat box, the entertainer” whose motto was “nobody does it plainer.”
Doug E. Fresh’s enthusiasm was relentless and infectious, and it was always accompanied by an upbeat tempo, a swinging groove that never failed to get even the most hardcore sourpuss to start tapping their feet. He didn’t do battle raps. He didn’t waste time describing how terrible other rappers were when you compared them to him. He simply flashed those brown eyes and declared who he was, proclaiming the depth of his talents and the breadth of his accomplishments whenever he was on the mic to let the people know, in no uncertain terms, that he was one of the greatest rappers on the face of the earth.
Somebody needs to teach your people how to Dougie, Mr. President.
If I were you, Mr. President, I would order up a thousand copies of The Show by Doug E. Fresh.
If I were you, Mr. President, I would get Mr. Fresh to remix me an extended version of that classic rap that you could play real loud while you were in the bathroom in the morning. But more importantly, your aides and political operatives would be required to listen to the song at least three times a day, until they started to figure out how to begin every encounter with an exuberant recitation of your administration’s accomplishments.
Doug E. Fresh has been exciting the crowds since he had a curly flattop and a Bally's jacket — the man just doesn't age. Not only does he remain a relevant performer 30 years later by touring around the globe all year 'round, but his younger peers are keeping his name on the radio by putting his moniker in their songs.
Lil' Wil dropped "My Dougie" — which, of course, is slang for being fresh — a couple of years ago, and in 2010, the youngsters have been all about the Cali Swag District dance anthem "Teach Me How to Dougie."
"I look at it as a blessing," Fresh said about getting props from a younger generation of artists. "It surprises me too. I was talking about it yesterday with some of my friends. Every year, it seems to be another song, another thing with the dance or something. I always say, 'Man, the Creator is preparing me for something. He's keeping the sun on me for some reason. He's keeping me aligned with that generation.' Because I genuinely love people, I love hip-hop, and I love using it as a tool to communicate and to create a better vibration. Life is short. I guess I'm lined up for a reason. I'm coming up with new music, I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm real sharp, my energy is strong. I look at it as: I'm just following the energy. That's how I sum that up."
Doug E. Fresh Talks 'Teach Me How To Dougie,' Pharrell Collabo
You getting any of this, Mr. President? It’s not that hard. I've actually been listening to The Show while writing this, and right now, I'm feeling LARGE AND IN CHARGE.
…The Human Beatbox, The Entertainer
No other title
Can fit me plainer…