You know, the way James Carville and Donna Brazile have been acting lately, you would think they are reading my blog. Well, in Mr. Carville’s case, skimming my blog might be more accurate. He is all hot and bothered today about the president’s response to the British Petroleum Oil Spill. “We’re about to die down here” is the quote from Mr. Carville, the one that sounds like something a blogger would write, that will be reverberating all across the cable news universe tonight.

Big whoop.

If you did read my blog, Mr. Carville, you would see that what I have been indulging in these past couple of weeks is selective outrage, outrage that is often tempered with the leavening influence of political and economic and legal reality. Given the fact that I have absolutely no influence over the way our government works, I might be better served by ranting illogically about the superhuman powers of the president, or the magic wand he should have at his disposal to make these kinds of things go away.

But if I were you, Mr. Carville, I would think long and hard between now and the time I went to bed tonight about all of the hours of TV time that I wasted all these years talking about bullshit that doesn’t matter.

Why aren’t you guys doing an expose on K Street every night?

Why isn’t there a film crew next to every doorway on Lobbyists Row, or whatever they call the legalized bribery capital of the country every night?

Why aren’t you detailing for the public how we get into messes like this that are caused by lax or nonexistent regulations every night?

Why don’t you rail each and every night for the rest of your natural born life about the plush offices out of sight of the public where laws are really made?

Why don’t you show us how some of the exchanges go down between the billions of dollars that flow through hands of the K Street pimps who wear suits and ties and the utterly dependant congressmen and senators who count on these strings attached dollars the way a crystal meth addict depends on his dealer every night?

You and your ilk, Mr. Carville, have sat your asses on our TV’s and turned a blind eye to the way YOU KNOW D.C. works for decades. So this oil spill is on your hands too.

Who are the people who gut legislation stipulation by stipulation, until it barely resembles its original form?

Not us out here in the hinterlands.

Who are the people who walk into legislators offices with regulatory clauses that have already been pre-written by a crack team of lawyers whose colleagues will know exactly where the loopholes in it are when their client needs to defend itself against some wrongdoing it knew it was going to do in advance, or as the lawyers put it, “with malice aforethought?”

Lobbyists.

Pimps.

Pinstriped mouthpieces.

People who funnel campaign contributions out the door as if it was Halloween candy, so things like blowout preventers won’t be required, or relief wells won’t be mandated to be drilled at the same time as the main well, or any other redundancies won’t be necessary before drilling is authorized to begin.

It’s these legions of moneymen, Mr. Carville, that have put your home state in this precarious position.

The status quo in this country is so far from the ideals we say we stand for they might as well be on the moon. Corruption rules. Influence peddling is taken for granted. Access is sold by the pound. Legislation is shaped, twisted, bent, or jerryrigged in such a convoluted manner so often we probably wouldn’t know a straightforward law or regulation if it was staring us in the face.

But that's all you people on these TV talk shows stand for - the god damned status quo. The same old same old bullshit. You might as well shut the fuck up and get you a check from BP like everybody else in Louisiana, because they already own your ass. 

If you suggested something outrageous – like say, how about President Obama putting the National Guard around the entire Congress, the Senate, and the White House, with orders to deny any and all lobbyists or lobbyists look a likes, or people who smell like lobbyists, or people who may have been in close proximity to a lobbyist in the past 72 hours out of these chambers of government, I might start listening to you whine.

If you suggested that the NSA intercept all incoming cell phone calls, regular phone calls, text messages, emails, smoke signals and Morse code from lobbyists that try to contact our legislators, I might start listening.

If you suggested that we try this until Christmas, I might be impressed.
And if you really manned up, and in your own inimitable Cajun inflected way, suggested that all of the K Street and the other streets like it where lobbyists lurk be surrounded with a fifty foot high impermeable barrier, and that all of the fetid, oil flecked water recovered from the Gulf be poured inside it for safe keeping, I would take my hat off to you.

Anything less, Mr. Carville, is the same old same old bullshit. Newsvine Digg It! Stumble Delicious Technorati Tweet It! Facebook
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