The Oscar Award Show Okie Doke

The Oscar Award ceremony is something I never watch. But I’d been on the internet all day, revamping my blog and turning out a few new posts, and S. seemed to be primed for watching, so I was in.

Maybe it’s the guy in me, but I had no interest in knowing who the designer was of the gown an actress wore. If she was Sarah Jessica Parker, who looks like she needed to hang out in a Dominoes Pizza store for a couple of weeks, it didn’t matter. If she was Jennifer Lopez, whose curves could bring Sir Mix-A-Lot out of retirement to give us “Baby Got Back, Part 2”, it didn’t matter. If she was Sigourney Weaver, who looks so good at whatever age she is that people are probably thinking she is the real Alien, it didn’t matter.

Then S. gave me the okie doke - it turned out she was only watching the Oscar ceremony to kill time until Big Love came on. I was on my own - well, as on my own as me and all my Twitter buddies could be.

Morgan Freeman might wear the “cool daddy” shades, but he is old as hell. For a man whose entire career revolves around his face and his hair, George Clooney could pretend to be a little happier that people still get fired up just because he’s in the room – I mean, he could look like the rest of us regular-looking guys, in which case he would still be doing summer stock productions somewhere in New England when he wasn’t waiting tables. And even though I haven’t been to AOL Black Voices today, I am certain that the Samuel L. Jackson eye-roll after Mo'Nique’s Oscar acceptance speech will probably fuel chat room arguments all week long.

Steve Martin is funny in a “not appropriate for TV kind of way”, so I was impressed when he riffed on a character from Inglorious Bastards who looked for Jews.

"Christoph Waltz played a Nazi [in 'Inglourious Basterds'] obsessed with finding Jews," Martin said. "Well, Christoph," he then gestured across the whole theater, "[Here is] the mother lode."

"The mother lode" was real grown up humor, a punchline that didn't shy away from the undeniable fact that Hollywood has always been dominated by Jews - that indeed, many of the people in audience were in fact Jewish. The joke was straight and true, unexpected and a little uncomfortable, and delivered with exquisite timing.

The best thing I can say about Alec Baldwin is he is a shoe-in to play the role of William Shatner if anybody ever does a biopic of Shatner’s overacted acting career.

I’m sure there will be some who wonder how Mo’Nique could win an Oscar when she has such a small body of work, roles that have up until now been in comedies or neo-blaxploitation films, but them I will simply say that she has been acting all her life.

And I would imagine that there are people who are ready to throw some gas on Samuel L. Jackson and light a match after seeing him roll his eyes after Mo’Nique finished her acceptance speech. But Jackson has never been shy about his stance on black actors who have come to film after being a rapper or a comedian, so that really shouldn’t have been a surprise.

I fell asleep on the rest of the show.

But it really didn’t matter – I haven’t seen any of the movies in contention for best picture, don’t really care one way or the other about the directors who are up for best picture, and the only reason George Clooney didn’t win this year is because Jeff Bridges has an even better head of hair.

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