Coffee, Tea, Or Me


If Americans keep dreaming up these new political movements, I might have to become a political rapper and put what I've got to say about them to some beats with rhyming lyrics so you can keep them all straight. The latest one is the Coffee Party, started by a filmmaker who -- no surprise here, since its the theme of the moment -- was "frustrated" by the dearth of options on the political scene for people like her.

I don't know how I feel about this Coffee Party yet, but I do believe that the first one of these groups that figures out how to be INclusive instead of EXclusive and keeps its fruitcakes and fanatics under wraps might be able to displace one of the Big Two in a way the Libertarian party or the Green Party never had a chance at doing.

This kind of reminds me of college -- I went to a college with a small black enrollment in the south about twenty years ago, back when majority schools were first admitting sizable numbers of black students. We had a black house, a black frat row (three huts behind a parking deck), a black student union, the "black" table in the cafeteria -- you could go your whole college career without dealing socially with the rest of the students at school.

Believe it or not, the Brown Man has mellowed since those days - if you could have gotten a PHD in being an obstinate son-of-bitch, I'd have two doctorates. I was as disgusted by the "ruling elites" who paraded around in their fraternity and sorority jackets as the Tea Party and Coffee Party followers are disgusted by our current elected officials.

Brew Phi Brew was born as a sign of protest, and as a parody of the "Yes sir Big Brother So Fine Yes sir!!" shenanigans. Everybody was the president. There were no dues and no meetings. We even had a chant I made up:

Brew Phi Brew,
is all we do,
A case of beer,
and then we have no fear,
a can, a quart, or even a keg,
just a taste of the suds, is all we beg,

During the week, we barely stay alive,
so glad that these days only number five,
but when we see a Friday afternoon,
each hand holds a brew, and none to soon,

Brew Phi Brew, is all we do.


The real frats hated our guts, but we had fun. People wanted to join. "Chapters" sprung up at a few local colleges, although since there were no rules, I have no idea what they did or why.

I mean, if we've got the Tea Party and the Coffee Party, how long will it take for people at nightclubs and bars all across the country to start the Jagermeister Party? A Diet Coke Party would probably have more fanatics than the Tea Party. 

I think I'm going to stick with the Me Party for now. I don't think the leader of the Me Party will embarrass me too bad by shooting off his mouth. And I'm sure, if the leader of the Me Party and I had differences over the direction of the organization, we could work it out.

The best thing is...

...I won't have to worry about seeing the Me Party leader's ass on my damn TV every night.






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