Mr. President, after watching you try to be funny at the White House Correspondents dinner, all I can say is, you need to be glad you became a lawyer instead of a comedian. I recounted a few of the jokes he and Wanda Sykes told to S. None of them rated a full chuckle. As she sat there, a little annoyed that I was interrupting one of those middle of the night PBS specials on cracking the code of Mayan hieroglyphs, I made a final comment. "The whole time I was watching Wanda Sykes do her thing, I was thinking - how would Bernie Mac have gone over at an event like this?"
After stating the obvious - that if The Mac Man was still alive, there is no way in hell he would have been asked to be the entertainment at such an establishment type of event - I think the reason he came to mind was the way Bernie could cut anybody down to size. There was something in the ferociousness of his delivery that could zero in on the littlest thing about a person and turn it into a full blown rant so full of profanity it would even make Rahm Emmanuel raise his eyebrows.
Bernie would have cut a little closer than Wanda.
- "Every time I turns on my dog gone TV, I see Barack Obama. I thought the election was over. Is that negro still running for president? Got me thinking my damn TV was broke. Here I am, calling up Best Buy, even though I bought my 100 inch plasma from Circuit City - cause you know we got to have that BIG screen - and I'm hollering in the phone to the Indian guy on the other end. 'My TV is broke. Every time I turn it on, all I see is Barack Obama.'
'No sir, your television isn't broken. The president had a press conference today.'
'Didn't he have one last week? What's wrong now? Who he bailin' out now? Who he need to bail out is my cousin Jo Jo, cause ain't bailin' his ass outta jail no mo.'"
The Mac Man would have given Michelle Obama a little grief too.
- "Turned on that same damn plasma TV a few weeks ago, just when I thought I had gotten rid of Barack messin up my TV, and damn if it ain't Michelle Obama, the First Lady, standing behind the White House with a hoe in her hand like she 'bout to crop some cotton. Michelle! Has you lost your mind? Don't you know we's in the house now? Matter fact, you ain't just IN the house, you is the master of the house!
Negroes been running from them damn fields down South for years, trying to get to Chicago, and D.C., and New York - you know, the city life - and here you are on TV trying to get us to start growing some damn fresh vegetables?
What I'ma look like in my silk shirts and my gators trying to plant some damn lettuce in my backyard? Black as I am in all that sun? You know how much I pay Chemlawn every month to keep stuff from growing in my backyard that ain't grass? I don't need no damn fresh vegetables. I gots collard greens in the deep freeze from 2004. I gots field peas in the deep freeze I inherited from Big Mama when she passed back in 1999. I'm GOOD!"
No other comedian this side of Robin Harris could work profanity as hard as The Mac Man, but Bernie Mac was actually a great storyteller - he could tell a story so well you almost wouldn't notice it if he kept the F-bombs in check.
President Obama, as I've said earlier, is definitely no comedian. In fact, some of his punchlines were as hard to get as those ancient Mayan hieroglyphs on PBS had been. And the little forced laugh he had didn't help matters much in that department. But as an old guy once told me years ago, when I was complaining about how bad my golf game was, "son, if your golf game is any good you ain't working."
I'll take eight more years of poorly delivered jokes any day if Obama keeps working his you-know-what off on his day job.